Updating my Life

During the past year I have been doing LifePlans and Strategic Plans through Planspective.  (www.planspective.com)

While I will still continue to do LifePlans and Strategic Plans, I am excited to join the Kardia Consulting team!  After Tim Avery, President of Kardia, and I worked together in Adventure Christian Church’s Generosity Campaign (helping increase ministry funding with a capital campaign to follow), it quckly became apparent that we shared the same heart for the church and increased generosity.  So, in early May, I officially became a part of the Kardia Consulting team - www.kardiaconsult.com .

Kardia offers a full slate of generosity/stewardship coaching and strategy options.  Given the downturn in ministry giving, many churches are jumping on the ^MFG – Increased Ministry Fund Giving.  Capital Campaigns are in place with several Christian Churches, including Christ’s Church of the Valley San Dimas (Jeff Vines) and LifeBridge (Rick Rusaw).  Kardia offers an amazing tool; the Financial Capacity and Trend Assessment that helps leaders gain accurate understanding into the real-time giving environment.  Now, we can offer LifePlans and Strategic Plans as well.

The thing that most excites me is a brand new coaching strategy called - Six Best Ministry Practices; Designed for small, medium and large sized churches that I get to help design and implement.  My personal life calling is to help 1000 churches make significant impacts in their communities while their pastors experience joy in serving.

Six Best Ministry Practices is a subscription service plus an hour of coaching per month, building in the implementation and accountability.  It will be affordable for churches from 75 and up.  Final details are shaping up be and we plan to introduce the program at the North American Christian Convention in July.

If you are going to be at the NACC this year, I’d really like to visit with you and I know Tim would love to meet you.  You can stop by our booth - #407 - or call me on my cell (707) 718-3730. I’ll buy the coffee. 

 We will be offering a free Financial Capacity and Trends Analysis (FCTA) plus a 30 minute free consultation to everyone who signs up at our booth.  This is not a stripped down version, but it is a complete snapshot of your giving trends for the past four years.   The FCTA is integral to effective planning and decision-making.  Churches that are not in a campaign derive incredible value from the FCTA, finding it to be the necessary field-guide that reveals the must-have strategies that lead to increased giving.

Kardia is Greek for “heart.” Our heart beats for the local church and because it does, we want to do ALL we can to help increase your leadership effectiveness in the areas of generosity and stewardship.  Please stop by booth #407 to sign up for your complimentary gift.

(If you are not going to be at the North American, you can email me and I will see that you get your free FCTA.)

Why Grandparents Should Connect with Grandchildren

Recently I heard Bill Bennett say that Raisa Gorbachev's doctoral dissertation on communal farming in the Soviet Union proposed that the only way the State could get their philosophies inculcated and thus breakdown a family farming culture into a state-owned culture, was to remove the influence of grandparents from the lives of the grandchildren and thus remove the transmission of values to future generations.

It made me realize how important it is for grandparents to intentionally have input into the lives of their children and grandchildren.

Our family lives 4 generations in one house-- intentionally.   Sometimes people look at us like we are weird, or at least counter-cultural, so, for the foreseeable future, we are going to try to blog weekly about living multi-generationally.  We know it's not for everyone, but we are learning some things that may be helpful to some.

The transmission of family values and godly values takes place both intentionally and also serendipitously.  The dinner table is one of those places where values are transmitted.  Intentionally we try to ask, "What was the best part of your day?"  Serendipitously the great-grandchildren learn about a God who is real and very dear when my father-in-law prays for the meal.

This didn't happen overnight,  it began almost 40 years ago when my wife, Jan, and I made a decision to stay, if God allowed, within 2 hours driving distance of both sets of grandparents because they were godly and good.  We wanted that influence in their lives.  For 38 years they have blessed our children's lives, and now our children have made the decision to stay close by.  A value was transmitted and now goes on.

A Horny Tale

 Every day for weeks, this goat (I’d say, “Stupid Goat” but I’d get in trouble with my grandson), would get his horns through the wire fence and get caught.  Every day, someone had to go out and free him from his predicament. 

Finally, after a couple of weeks, the owner taped a piece of PVC pipe across his horns so that he couldn’t get into trouble in the first place.  It looks kind of funny, but it works.

Now, unable to get to the greener grass on the other side of the fence, he contentedly chews his cud.

There is a lesson for us.  How many times do we have a recurring sin or bad habit that keeps us stuck?  How many times do we have to get bailed out of trouble?

Because we have an underlying lack of trust in God, we get involved in destructive behaviors or worse, sin.  These tend to hang us up over and over again. The difference between us and goats is that we can tape our own piece of PVC across our weaknesses and sometimes help ourselves.  

Here are a couple of “PVC Fixes” that might be common to many.

• Pornography on the internet—Set a content filter and let your accountability partner set the password. I use X3watch  www.x3watch.com
• Procrastination—Log on to www.habitforge.com and get a daily reminder to accomplish that which you have been putting off.
• Gluttony—Join Weight Watchers or another group.

I’m sure that some of the other goats probably make fun of Mr. PVC, but he is able to make a go of it now.  Some of your friends may scoff at having external motivations, but sometimes we need them to help us move forward.

Last thoughts:  If we don’t figure out our own PVC solutions, God may tape his own solution on our head through circumstances, a board, or a spouse and the result may be a “time out” for restoration.  We need only look to the Old Testament to find numerous examples of God's intervention.

OK, now I’ll do my timeout for saying “Stupid”.

Bill Hybels

It requires courage to be a covenant keeper.

Keeping life in perspective,

Marcus Bigelow
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Rollerblading through Ministry

Every leader I know wrestles with the balance between work and family.  Every Christian leader I know wrestles with work and family in the context of living their life in God. Recently my coach offered a great analogy that has helped me put things in perspective.

Any two legged form of locomotion, skiing, skating, rollerblading, even walking, requires a tension between your right and left leg to go forward.  Progress is made only when you push from one leg to the other and back again.

 If you walk on one leg only, it’s called hopping.  If you try to rollerblade on one leg only you will go a short distance (usually in a circle) and then you will fall down as momentum stops.Always, there must be the tension between your right leg and your left leg. 

The same is true between work and family/personal life.  There is always a tension between the two.  When you are doing work you are not doing family.  When you are doing “quality time” with family you are not doing work.  So how do we move through life?  It is by focusing energy on the work side for a while and then consciously pushing off to the family/personal side for a while and then back

.

Too much focus on the work side without transfer causes us to eventually fall down and burnout not only ourselves but our family and friends as well.  Too much focus on our family/personal side causes us not to accomplish all that God wants for our lives in the ministry/work domain.

To be effective we must spend a little time figuring out how to move the tension back and forth between domains, explain to our families and co-workers how this works, and then do it.  At first, everyone will want you to stand on one leg only.  But as they see your effectiveness in both domains blossom, I believe they will be glad to help you with the shifts.

One more kicker, many of us try to do both at the same time.  This is a problem.  Rather than transitioning back and forth, we try to combine work and family (bringing the email home or doing family things at work).

Try this, stand up, try to move forward on both legs at the same time.  (You can do it, but it looks funny and uses huge amounts of energy for very little progress)  Now, try transferring the energy from one leg to the other (walking).  See, it works!

Your silence is confusing me

Recently I had a relationship go silent.  I had sent a proposal, was expecting a reply—and nothing --just the deafening roar of silence.  I needed an answer.   With every day of silence, my insecurities grew stronger and more persistent. 

As my inner voices became louder they wrote scripts that went something like this:  Day one—he must be busy; Day two—maybe he’s going to reject me and doesn’t know how to say it;  Day three—I wonder if he treats all his friends like this;  Day four—I guess he’ll never respond.  So, how am I supposed to respond eight days after a deadline?  (I’d tried a couple of gentle nudges to see if I could get a response.)

My natural response is to be hurt and respond hurtfully.  (Hell hath no fury like an insecure ego ignored!)  And in my heart I know that type of response is rarely helpful.

In God’s providence I’d just entered a coaching relationship with a godly man and I share his wisdom with you.  (BTW, if you are looking for a coach, you should investigate Ministry Coaching International, www.ministrycoaching.org)

Dick said, “I find that my confusion and ignorance rarely intimidates anyone.”  So, if you ask,” I’m confused about where we are now, can you clarify our situation?”  You won’t start a war but rather open a dialog. “

I so like that advice and because I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets insecure when people are too busy to respond, I share it with you.

Here’s the deal:  I wanted to say, “Why haven’t you responded?” which attacks and places blame on him. 

Dick taught me to say, “Help my ignorance and confusion” which gets the same information but allows the blame to rest on me.

As a follow up, Dick suggested that acknowledging my insecurities and what they do to me further defuses the situation if it becomes necessary.

With my bare hands and a 2X4

I heard the dog barking, saw blood dripping from a neighbor’s goat, and immediately was transformed from mild mannered Marc Bigelow to protector of the flock with murder in my eye.  I don’t say that lightly.  I was bent on killing those dogs with the 2X4 gripped so tightly in my hands.  I had reverted several layers down Maslow’s hierarchy and several centuries back in civilization. 

This morning I read 1 Samuel 17. 34 David replied to Saul, "Your servant has been a shepherd for his father's flock. Whenever a lion or bear would come and carry off a sheep from the flock, 35 I would go out after it, strike it down, and rescue the sheep from its mouth. If it rose up against me, I would grab it by its jaw, strike it, and kill it. 36 Your servant has struck down both the lion and the bear. This uncircumcised Philistine will be just like one of them. For he has defied the armies of the living God!"

Now I wasn’t facing a bear or a lion, but I think I could have killed one of those dogs with my hands had it been necessary.   Such is the protective urge inside of us.

For David, the height of his protective instinct was to strike down the Philistine because he defied the armies of the Living God.   I’m still in a bit of shock over my own reactions, but today I’m wondering if I would be as concerned about protecting the flock of God from a marauder.   I think about some elders and pastors I have known who have stood boldly against someone attacking the church and then I think of others who cave in to cynicism and agree with the critics of the church. 

I re-read Ezekiel 34 and Acts 28 today.  As church leaders, we are called to protect with our lives the flock God has entrusted to us.  It calls for calm at times, but it also calls for wild-eyed adrenalin pumping action at other times.    Shepherds know when to do both.  But remember, sheep need calm leadership, wolves need bold confrontation.