Recently I had a relationship go silent. I had sent a proposal, was expecting a
reply—and nothing --just the deafening roar of silence. I needed an answer. With every day of silence, my insecurities
grew stronger and more persistent.
As my
inner voices became louder they wrote scripts that went something like
this: Day one—he must be busy; Day
two—maybe he’s going to reject me and doesn’t know how to say it; Day three—I wonder if he treats all his
friends like this; Day four—I guess
he’ll never respond. So, how am I
supposed to respond eight days after a deadline? (I’d tried a couple of gentle nudges to see
if I could get a response.)
My natural response is to be hurt and respond
hurtfully. (Hell hath no fury like an
insecure ego ignored!) And in my heart I
know that type of response is rarely helpful.
In God’s providence I’d just entered a coaching relationship
with a godly man and I share his wisdom with you. (BTW, if you are looking for a coach, you
should investigate Ministry Coaching International, www.ministrycoaching.org)
Dick said, “I find that my confusion and ignorance rarely
intimidates anyone.” So, if you ask,”
I’m confused about where we are now, can you clarify our situation?” You won’t start a war but rather open a
dialog. “
I so like that advice and because I’m sure I’m not the only
one who gets insecure when people are too busy to respond, I share it with you.
Here’s the deal: I
wanted to say, “Why haven’t you responded?” which attacks and places blame on
him.
Dick taught me to say, “Help my ignorance and confusion”
which gets the same information but allows the blame to rest on me.
As a follow up, Dick suggested that acknowledging my
insecurities and what they do to me further defuses the situation if it becomes
necessary.
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